“It’s a girl!” came the proclamation at the birth of Janna Barkin’s second child. Her 5 year old daughter disagreed. Janna Barkin, author of He’s Always Been My Son, talks about raising her transgender son. Unconditional love for this beautiful child, of course, but more than that.
We live in a constantly changing world where gender has been rapidly redefined and fine-tuned, and, naturally, questions arise with a speed to match. When does a child realize that assigned gender is way off the mark? How does that child express it? Janna’s little one was delightfully clear with no room for doubt. But it might take a parent some time to process the information and know what to do. A large part of good parenting has always compassionate, judgment-free, and focused listening. What to do comes next.
Janna, with decades as an early childhood educator, had always had her classroom filled with dress-up opportunities for her little charges so they could express who they are as well as who they might want to be. She knew how to prepare her students to step into the next stage of life with confidence in their abilities, with comfort in who they are, and what to do on the chance that a classmate is not so nice.
Raising all children is complicated and with myriad challenges and decisions to be made. Raising a transgender child comes with all that and the need for extra deliberations and decisions. How fortunate for this family that parental love and acceptance was woven into the guidance that their son needed. How clever of these parents to have let their son lead the way to his own future. It is so satisfying to see Janna, with perceptiveness and love, answser so many questions that occur to many of us. This is a wonderful opportunity to get some uncertainty clarified.
And because there are topics we did not cover fully, Janna has agreed to come back to talk about the pronouns that are vital in self-definition and acceptance. In her role as an inventive educator as well as a devoted parent she offers a glimpse into a world of unconditional strengthening love.
Stay tuned for a truly inventive benefit of love letters. Wish I had thought of it!